30 Days of Thanksvember - Day 28

As I only have two days left of Thanksvember, I will finish this month off in continued gratitude. Today it's very hard to. It's so damn hard that I'm light-headed and feel like I'm going to pass out.

After we all let Mom go, told her to go in peace and to leave this broken earthly avatar, that we would all be okay and would forever honour her, she slipped away and died this morning.

She died exactly how she wanted to: peacefully, painlessly, filled with the intense love of her family. Debbie (bio mom) had a long talk with her last night, telling her she could go be with Dad and the rest of our family that have gone on before. As she left the room, she had the sensation of many people rushing past her. Our family was coming to meet Mom.

Late last night I was meditating, sending out all my thoughts to her. I don't know if it was possible for them to reach her or anything like that, but the last thing I thought to her was: "I release you to Dad".

She'd been ready to go for a long time, but I think she was hanging on because we all wanted so badly for her to get better.

I can just imagine her great joy right now, freed from all physical limitations and suffering, rejoined with her loved ones on a plane of super-existence that we can't even begin to imagine. Knowing that she is with Dad is a huge, huge comfort to me.

Me, Mom, and my biological mother made up the Triple Goddess in the flesh.


And we will always be this sacred trifecta, even though Mom is no longer with is in body.

For this trifecta I am endlessly thankful.

The three of us have been together my entire life, which not everyone can say about both of their mothers, even if it's within family like ours is.

Mom always wanted us to move on. I'm going to turn on my beautiful Christmas tree so hopefully her spirit can see it. Like I said yesterday, Christmas was her favourite time of year, and she always wanted a big white tree like what I have. She would be so glad to see it.

I am thankful.

30 Days of Thanksvember - Day 27, A Tribute

Today, I am so very thankful for my mom.

She has endured a lot in her 68 years of life. Amongst all of that she has battled illness after illness since she was a child, has been in the grips of crippling depression, and has come through a difficult life with a brazen smile and a very hard-headed attitude. She has been once of the strongest people I've known.

She has always felt the need to take care of people and things.

She is a matriarch.

Once she got something in her head, she was determined to see it through.

Has she been perfect? Of course not, but none of us are. She has made mistakes, some of them dire, and her hard-headed personality has been difficult to deal with sometimes. But that's part of who she is.

She raised me as her own child (when I am biologically her granddaughter). She made sure I had everything I needed and then some. She stuck up for me, taught me, told me I could do anything I wanted in life if I tried. I wouldn't be the person I am if it weren't for her.

She helped me onto this interesting spiritual path. She made me into a big Star Trek and Star Wars fan, raised me on older music and films, and taught me how to be a smart woman. I would watch her crafting abilities since I was a small child, and I think I got my creative bones from her.

We would talk for hours on end, whether in person or on the phone. In my adult life, she easily transitioned from a mom into a friend as well.

We liked to go up to Walmart in the middle of the night and shop when no one else was there. We would buy pocky and we would have Star Trek and Twilight Zone nights. We'd usually get up at the same time every morning and enjoyed a cup of coffee together. We would chat in depth about prophecy, Edgar Cayce, theology, and she wistfully talked about how cool it would be to be picked up by (friendly) aliens and see foreign stars and worlds. She wished for advanced space travel to be available before the end of her life so that she could do just that.

She adored my husband. She adored all of her grandchildren. She always offered to help, and even when she couldn't, her heart was still there. She made all my Christmases incredibly magical.

She cared unceasingly and unquestioningly for my dad, her soul mate, after he suffered a massive stroke in 1997 and experienced declining health from then on until his death in 2009.

She had open heart surgery in July of this year and survived when no one expected her to.

She has been through a great deal since then and has struggled and suffered much. In the past 24 hours, a hard decision was made, her wishes were respected, and she will be kept from all further suffering. She is being kept comfortable, pain-free, and breathing easily. In the past few months while she was still cognitive and aware, she has been begging to be let go, to be freed from this life. Her desperate wishes are being heeded, but tonight my family and I are struggling with the knowledge that she will most likely not get better. The doctors say this is best, and my family agrees. I want the bright lights out of her face, the poking and prodding and invasive procedures to be ceased, and her soul to joyously fly into the arms of my father.

I'm not ready to let go of her. I never will be. You never think that your parents will die, and as stubborn as my mom always has been, I kind of thought her physical form was immortal. We had talked a lot about her coming up here after her health had improved; exploring Toronto together, spending time with me and my husband. We had talked about her moving into senior citizen apartments in the city, where she would gain independence (in the last couple of years her vision declined so much that she could no longer drive). She was so proud of me for starting my life up here, and she was excited for Trevor and I to start having kids. When Christmas rolled around, she and I were always excited about it and couldn't stop talking and planning.

May she always be greatly blessed and her path be bright and clear and lit by the silver of the moon and the gold of the sun. May we also be blessed, those of us who know her and are a part of her. She will no longer suffer.

May she see all of the stars and other worlds that she always said she wanted to see. And one day, when my time on this earth plane is completed, I hope to see them all with her.


I love you so much, Mom, and I am so grateful for you.


Mom and my dad when they were children.


Mom and her brother


Mom at her grandparents' stead in Salem, Virginia



1986


2010

30 Days of Thanksvember - Day 1

Today is my first day of a month long of thanks, inspired by Aoibheal's Lair. There are no blog hops, no giveaways, but if you want to do this too, just go to her blog and grab the button that I too have on my sidebar!


I think this is a great little project, especially since I despise the dreary month of November. The sky is steely, the ground is wet and muddy, the trees are grey and naked. It can never seem to decide whether to rain or sleet or spit snow. I'm 800 miles away from the maternal side of my family and can't afford to hop on a plane to spend Thanksgiving with them.

So, on this first day, I am thankful for my family.


My oldest bio sister, Amanda, with her family


My adult cousins in New York, on my dad's side. Genetically they are not related to me, but we've always just ignored that :)


Me with my biomom (right) and HER mother, who adopted and raised me


My sweet dad, may he rest in joy and peace.


Youngest bio sister, Becky, with our nephew Gage


Bio sister Susan with her newest son, Patrick


Bio brother Robert, his lovely lady Megan, and their daughter Kaidyn

From my blood siblings, to the parents who raised me, to cousins I have recently discovered for the first time, to the three beautiful women who accepted me into their lives as their heart sister. I am grateful for every single one of them and wouldn't be who I am without them.

A New Family Addition!

Today is a very special day for my entire family. We are welcoming our newest little one, Patrick Shane Morris, into the world during one of my favourite months of the year.



And here he is with the proud mother, my biological sister:


I totally had to brag!! And he looks just like his big brother Gage :) Gage was the last one to be born in a string of nephews and nieces, and that was 2007. My niece Kaidyn Elizabeth is due on Samhain, how awesome is that?

Yep, I am one proud auntie right now.

Now I'm off to the Halloween party at our friends' place! Pictures to come tomorrow!

What Autumn is to Me

Today's Samhain's Sirens post features a blog by I'm Not Hannah, and I ask that all of you go over there and read it! It's so beautifully written, a true analogy of fall!

I'm inspired to make a little list of things I love about autumn, and what this season means to me.

-Everything is bursting with colour, scent, cosiness, and a general sense of impending-holiday-business. Everything feels so festive and glorious. In her last wakeful days, Nature adorns herself in riches, from amethyst and garnet jewel-like berries, to gold and crimson and copper headdresses and robes, to ripe and delicious vegetables and grains. As Nature dies into another dark, cold, barren and white winter, she puts on a grand show for everyone to enjoy and love before her passing.

-The beauty and bounty that we are presented with this season gives me an endless supply of creative energy that is poured into drawing, writing, digital scrapbooking, jewellery-making, and my own personal style. I think it's safe to say that I feel happiest at this time of year, which reflects onto every aspect of my life. My depression lifts; a black iron veil that lets me see into lovely everyday happiness.

-The days are much cooler and lack the oppressive humidity that late spring and summer are notorious for. I can take long walks without piling on excess amounts of sunscreen or suffering mild heat exhaustion. I don't sweat myself to death, unless I'm walking for cardio, and then I welcome the sweat! I can wear layers, jewel colours, and let my inner vibrancy bloom. I love these temperate days, especially for going to see the pretty foliage! And I don't know about you, but I love being able to go out without a smog advisory being in place!

-Because the nights are colder, the blankets are thicker, the pyjama pants and socks warmer, and the tea and lattes hotter. Cosiness increases, and snuggling in bed or on the couch is an even more wonderful thing than usual, especially under soft fleece blankets!

-The veil between the worlds is quickly thinning this month. I find myself thinking about my Dad more, and quietly talking to him out loud when I'm home alone or on a solitary nature walk. I tell him all the things I wished I had told him when he was still alive. I can only hope that his soul hears and sees me somehow, and it seems I can feel his warmth on the blowing breezes that carry twirling golden leaves that stick in my hair and fall at my feet. I always think back to the evening walks he and I would take in the spring and summer, in those precious years before his massive stroke. It is as though I can feel him walking beside me again.

-This is the season where many of us sit down with friends and family and give thanks for everything that we have. I believe that we should be doing this every day, not just one out of three-hundred-and-sixty-five. I do my best to find five things to be thankful for every day, even putting a positive spin on otherwise unpleasant days (I'm down with a cold? I am thankful that I am otherwise healthy enough to only experience mild colds once or twice a year). But for me, Thanksgiving is a yearly ritual of culminating the entire years's gratitudes and simple joys, and preparing for a whole new year of gratefulness. It's a feast ritual, a prayer ritual, a nature ritual. I place my bare hands on the still-warm earth and give thanks for having this awareness, this utter joy at being alive despite severe mental health issues.

-Pumpkin spice lattes, whether from Starbucks or from this recipe that I tried tonight. That is all.

-Being able to get fresh air into the house while pumpkin bread is baking? Yeah, that's the good stuff.

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To close this entry: if you're a witchy gal or have a special witch in your life, don't forget to check out today's Samhain's Sirens giveaway, too! We have a festive besom/broom for your altar by Elegantly Enchanting.

Cute, huh?? Get your entries in, folks! This would make a great gift :)

Have a wonderful weekend, my friends! If you're in Canada, happy Thanksgiving weekend!! May your bellies and your hearts be full and your life full of gladness.