Showing posts with label summer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label summer. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Summer is Ending
Hello, my dear lovelies. I hope all is well in your corners of the universe.
In the lush emerald green of a Canadian summer, I've been trying to connect myself, but time and time getting pushed away by my own increasing depression. I sit in the house so much, filling out applications and despairing when I can't keep my anxiety under control. It is why I haven't been updating. I've felt weak, uninspired, and disconnected.
But I can't always avoid the cure-all that is Mother Nature. Even just having one window open all day and evening drastically lifted my spirits. A short walk in the sun felt glorious to every inch of my body. I felt renewed each time; picked up just a little bit more until I was no longer sludging along the ground like a slug, instead standing a little higher, a little taller.
Increased time with close friends has also helped me a great deal, especially with Liat and Alora, best friends who live together in an adorable little apartment with their dog, Monkey. Not only is it a lot of fun and laughs, but it's helping me gain more personal independence.
And my Cipralex dosage was increased to the maximum, 20mg. I've been on this higher dose for a week now and have had no negative side effects to speak of, except for insomnia that I've had for ages anyway. I would really love to gradually switch to something herbal, but for now I marvel at modern medicine working in my brain and helping me to not be in a dangerous mental place any more. Because life is far too precious, my friends.
Now some trees are changing because Mother Nature seems to think it's September instead of August. The nights have been downright chilly and the days much cooler than they had been. It's slowly heating up again, but I realize autumn is not far off. The Wheel still turns, and I sit and ponder why it has turned so fast. It seems like just yesterday was January.
I have done a few more things in my 100 Things to Do in 2013 list, awesomely! Yes, awesomely is a new word.
22. Learn to swim.
I'm still working on this one, and as much as I seem to fear the water, it will take me time. I improve bit by bit every time I try. On Monday I spent 3 1/2 hours in my friends' building's indoor pool and had a blast. I'm going again on Sunday/Monday and hope to see even more improvement.
62. Continue learning personal independence.
I mentioned this above. This task for 2013 was very important to me. My anxiety issues have caused me to cling hard to Trevor since the beginning, and thank the Universe he is a very patient and understanding man. Travelling alone to be with friends, spending the night or weekend with Liat and Alora, and doing things as simple as grocery shopping on my own and going wherever I please. It's made a world of difference in my life, especially lately, and I'm no longer clutching Trevor's apron strings (lol! now isn't THAT a mental image!). I suddenly know a freedom that has no bounds other than lack of money, haha!
65. Get a cell phone.
Yeah, yeah, I'm the last young adult in western society to not own a mobile. But I'm no longer putting it off. I have my MIL's Blackberry Curve that I'm going to unlock and take in to Koodo to get a monthly plan. Having a mobile will increase my feeling of independence even more. I'm looking forward to getting to text my friends and use things like Foursquare. :)
86. Have coffee grounds or tea leaves read.
This is something I vowed to do this year after learning that Liat's mom has been reading coffee grounds for over two decades. Why not, I thought with a little shrug. I honestly don't know how much I believe in this world, but I do know there is far more than what meets the eye. Call it another plane that interacts with this one, or magick, or what have you, but there is something there. And I am open to almost anything.
Susie, Liat's mom, doesn't know me very well, but I absolutely adore her. She's a sweet little Israeli beauty full of spitfire and fun; a strong lady who recently fought breast cancer and not only won, but stomped it hard into the ground and set its remains on fire. For years Trevor has called her his second mom.
Her birthday was this past week, so on Sunday we had a little dinner party for her at Liat and Alora's place. After finishing our meal, Liat made Turkish coffee and I was instructed to put the saucer over the cup and turn them both over so that the cup was upside-down on top of the saucer. We waited a little while, then Susie picked up my cup and saucer and looked hard at them for a while, turning the cup this way and that and studying the patterns the coffee grounds had made.
She told me that hardships were ending, that things were about to make a turn for the better and that my incessant worrying would soon see relief. She said something good was coming, such as a job or a move, and that I have a very important (and good!) letter coming in two or three months' time. She said that I need to stay connected to the family I have deeply bonded with recently, and she saw that I had lost someone dear to me. When I told her my mom died last November and Dad back in 2009, she smiled and said they were okay and were watching over me. She concluded by saying that I am closely surrounded by many people who will raise me up in happiness and love, in particular three females who will help me the most.
So that was really interesting, I thought, and we'll see what comes of it. Especially the letter! I have an idea of what it might be, but again, we'll see.
My biomom shared a really nice graphic with me on Facebook earlier. It read:
"Live the life you want to live. Never be ashamed of anything. Make decisions. Make mistakes. If you fall, at least you fell because you tried. No regrets. It's life."
What a wonderful affirmation to help me clear the last of these black clouds in my mind and heart! We'll see what tomorrow brings, and I'm glad to be able to say that.
In the lush emerald green of a Canadian summer, I've been trying to connect myself, but time and time getting pushed away by my own increasing depression. I sit in the house so much, filling out applications and despairing when I can't keep my anxiety under control. It is why I haven't been updating. I've felt weak, uninspired, and disconnected.
But I can't always avoid the cure-all that is Mother Nature. Even just having one window open all day and evening drastically lifted my spirits. A short walk in the sun felt glorious to every inch of my body. I felt renewed each time; picked up just a little bit more until I was no longer sludging along the ground like a slug, instead standing a little higher, a little taller.
Increased time with close friends has also helped me a great deal, especially with Liat and Alora, best friends who live together in an adorable little apartment with their dog, Monkey. Not only is it a lot of fun and laughs, but it's helping me gain more personal independence.
And my Cipralex dosage was increased to the maximum, 20mg. I've been on this higher dose for a week now and have had no negative side effects to speak of, except for insomnia that I've had for ages anyway. I would really love to gradually switch to something herbal, but for now I marvel at modern medicine working in my brain and helping me to not be in a dangerous mental place any more. Because life is far too precious, my friends.
Now some trees are changing because Mother Nature seems to think it's September instead of August. The nights have been downright chilly and the days much cooler than they had been. It's slowly heating up again, but I realize autumn is not far off. The Wheel still turns, and I sit and ponder why it has turned so fast. It seems like just yesterday was January.
I have done a few more things in my 100 Things to Do in 2013 list, awesomely! Yes, awesomely is a new word.
22. Learn to swim.
I'm still working on this one, and as much as I seem to fear the water, it will take me time. I improve bit by bit every time I try. On Monday I spent 3 1/2 hours in my friends' building's indoor pool and had a blast. I'm going again on Sunday/Monday and hope to see even more improvement.
62. Continue learning personal independence.
I mentioned this above. This task for 2013 was very important to me. My anxiety issues have caused me to cling hard to Trevor since the beginning, and thank the Universe he is a very patient and understanding man. Travelling alone to be with friends, spending the night or weekend with Liat and Alora, and doing things as simple as grocery shopping on my own and going wherever I please. It's made a world of difference in my life, especially lately, and I'm no longer clutching Trevor's apron strings (lol! now isn't THAT a mental image!). I suddenly know a freedom that has no bounds other than lack of money, haha!
65. Get a cell phone.
Yeah, yeah, I'm the last young adult in western society to not own a mobile. But I'm no longer putting it off. I have my MIL's Blackberry Curve that I'm going to unlock and take in to Koodo to get a monthly plan. Having a mobile will increase my feeling of independence even more. I'm looking forward to getting to text my friends and use things like Foursquare. :)
86. Have coffee grounds or tea leaves read.
This is something I vowed to do this year after learning that Liat's mom has been reading coffee grounds for over two decades. Why not, I thought with a little shrug. I honestly don't know how much I believe in this world, but I do know there is far more than what meets the eye. Call it another plane that interacts with this one, or magick, or what have you, but there is something there. And I am open to almost anything.
Susie, Liat's mom, doesn't know me very well, but I absolutely adore her. She's a sweet little Israeli beauty full of spitfire and fun; a strong lady who recently fought breast cancer and not only won, but stomped it hard into the ground and set its remains on fire. For years Trevor has called her his second mom.
Her birthday was this past week, so on Sunday we had a little dinner party for her at Liat and Alora's place. After finishing our meal, Liat made Turkish coffee and I was instructed to put the saucer over the cup and turn them both over so that the cup was upside-down on top of the saucer. We waited a little while, then Susie picked up my cup and saucer and looked hard at them for a while, turning the cup this way and that and studying the patterns the coffee grounds had made.
She told me that hardships were ending, that things were about to make a turn for the better and that my incessant worrying would soon see relief. She said something good was coming, such as a job or a move, and that I have a very important (and good!) letter coming in two or three months' time. She said that I need to stay connected to the family I have deeply bonded with recently, and she saw that I had lost someone dear to me. When I told her my mom died last November and Dad back in 2009, she smiled and said they were okay and were watching over me. She concluded by saying that I am closely surrounded by many people who will raise me up in happiness and love, in particular three females who will help me the most.
So that was really interesting, I thought, and we'll see what comes of it. Especially the letter! I have an idea of what it might be, but again, we'll see.
My biomom shared a really nice graphic with me on Facebook earlier. It read:
"Live the life you want to live. Never be ashamed of anything. Make decisions. Make mistakes. If you fall, at least you fell because you tried. No regrets. It's life."
What a wonderful affirmation to help me clear the last of these black clouds in my mind and heart! We'll see what tomorrow brings, and I'm glad to be able to say that.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Backyard cherries, plus a sneak peek at my Wedding Smash Folio!
The cherry trees in our backyard are finally bursting with ruby-red fruit! We haven't had anything on these trees for the past two years or so, and we weren't expecting to. So imagine our surprise when we went into the backyard a few days ago and saw all this!
My MIL and I had a blast picking tons of cherries. I'm going to make a pie in the next couple of days!
We're just a few days away now from our handfasting. It's an outdoor BBQ event, but despite it's casualness, I'm a little nervous. I want everything to be perfect and for everyone to enjoy themselves!
I'm happy that, after being married for 4 1/2 years, we're FINALLY able to hold this event for our families and friends.
In anticipation of the event, I purchased the K&Company Wedding Folio from Amazon.ca because both Michaels around here didn't have it. It arrived within two days and I LOVE it! It's going to serve as a guest book at the handfasting as well as show the history of our relationship. Here's a sneak peek of my favourite pages in the book, pre-smash!
I'm looking forward to smashing in this book. I'm getting photos printed tomorrow so I can begin!
I still have to show you guys and gals some new smash pages in my other books, but I shall do so either on Sunday or early next week before we leave for our friend's cottage up by Horseshoe Lake. :)
Blessings,
Mary
My MIL and I had a blast picking tons of cherries. I'm going to make a pie in the next couple of days!
We're just a few days away now from our handfasting. It's an outdoor BBQ event, but despite it's casualness, I'm a little nervous. I want everything to be perfect and for everyone to enjoy themselves!
I'm happy that, after being married for 4 1/2 years, we're FINALLY able to hold this event for our families and friends.
In anticipation of the event, I purchased the K&Company Wedding Folio from Amazon.ca because both Michaels around here didn't have it. It arrived within two days and I LOVE it! It's going to serve as a guest book at the handfasting as well as show the history of our relationship. Here's a sneak peek of my favourite pages in the book, pre-smash!
I'm looking forward to smashing in this book. I'm getting photos printed tomorrow so I can begin!
I still have to show you guys and gals some new smash pages in my other books, but I shall do so either on Sunday or early next week before we leave for our friend's cottage up by Horseshoe Lake. :)
Blessings,
Mary
Friday, June 21, 2013
Happy Summer, and how I threw away my journals
A blessed Summer Solstice to everyone on the northern hemisphere! May it be filled with love and light, and all the shadows in your mind and heart chased away by the sun.
In celebration of the solstice, I cleared out unnecessary clutter and junk from my life. Boom, into the garbage can. Whammo, into the recycling bins. I even let go of the white-knuckled clutch on my four most recent journals that were with me here in Canada.
Let me tell you something about my journals. I've had a diary ever since I was eight years old. I don't have my first three diaries anymore, but I possess every single one I've had since I was fourteen. I couldn't bear the thought of ever NOT having them in my life. Contained within are memories, thoughts, dreams, fantasies, and sometimes short stories and poems.
I even made a scrapbook page about them in 2010. It shows all of my journals minus one that I couldn't find, and minus three I'd written in since then.
But there was something else contained in all these journals, too.
Years and years of severe depression, heartache, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety that I didn't understand until a few years ago. Books back to front filled with endless negative energy that was tangible to me. Stagnation, isolation, ignorance, and bigotry. Definitely not the woman who I am now. I was crippled by mental illness, unable to stand on my own. Pages and pages documenting the cuts I made on my upper arms to punish myself for some reason or another. Pages and pages of me wanting to not exist. The last few journals dealt with the severe depression and anxiety I felt during those 18 months I had to go back to the US, and my dad dying, and my mom dying.
Ever since my mom passed away last November, I've been working hard to fully move forward and become a bright, healthy, strong woman who can hold her own against both the world and her mental illness. I've made leaps and bounds like you wouldn't believe, friends. I'm doing things I never thought I could do that are menial everyday tasks to everyone else. After twenty-nine years, I'm exploding from my cocoon with wings as vibrant as day.
But some things are holding me back from being able to move on, weighing me down as I try to rise.
And I struggled for a long time with the realization that some of those things were my old journals.
"But those are part of who I am," I whined to myself.
"No," said the reasonable part of me. "They are part of who you were, and honey, you are no longer that person."
"But what if I want to read them later in life? What if I want my kids to read them?"
"Do you really want that negativity hanging around you all your life, clinging to your ankles and not letting you move on? Do you really want to recall that shit when you're a wise, fantastic Crone? And why would you want your kids reading all that crap?" said the reasonable part of me.
All my life, I've had trouble letting go. Of people, of things. So this was not an easy decision for me. I had made it one of my goals on my 100 Things to Do in 2013 list, and I honestly wasn't sure if I could go through with it.
My children won't need to read my old journals. They will have me as I am and see all my beautiful scrapbook pages I've made of my life.
So last night I took a deep breath, feeling small and scared (because I WAS getting rid of something that was a part of me, and for years I'd considered my journals to be like extra appendages), and I chucked my journals out into the garbage can with the other crap I'd tossed from my life.
I wasn't expecting the sudden relief that I felt.
So do I regret it?
Not one damn bit, darling.
It's going to be harder to toss all my old journals that still reside in my mom's house in Virginia, but now I know that I can.
Cross off number 25 on my 2013 List.
I also crossed off #100 at the same time. Another way of letting go and clearing negative energy was to write bad memories and regrets on paper, then destroy the paper somehow. I did this, ripped it up, cussed it out a bit, and flushed it down the toilet.
And I feel so much happier, ready to keep on travelling through my life without all that heavy baggage on me.
I think the summer has gotten off to a great start! I'm dancing with happiness!
Have you ever gotten rid of journals/diaries before? How did you do it?
In celebration of the solstice, I cleared out unnecessary clutter and junk from my life. Boom, into the garbage can. Whammo, into the recycling bins. I even let go of the white-knuckled clutch on my four most recent journals that were with me here in Canada.
Let me tell you something about my journals. I've had a diary ever since I was eight years old. I don't have my first three diaries anymore, but I possess every single one I've had since I was fourteen. I couldn't bear the thought of ever NOT having them in my life. Contained within are memories, thoughts, dreams, fantasies, and sometimes short stories and poems.
I even made a scrapbook page about them in 2010. It shows all of my journals minus one that I couldn't find, and minus three I'd written in since then.
But there was something else contained in all these journals, too.
Years and years of severe depression, heartache, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety that I didn't understand until a few years ago. Books back to front filled with endless negative energy that was tangible to me. Stagnation, isolation, ignorance, and bigotry. Definitely not the woman who I am now. I was crippled by mental illness, unable to stand on my own. Pages and pages documenting the cuts I made on my upper arms to punish myself for some reason or another. Pages and pages of me wanting to not exist. The last few journals dealt with the severe depression and anxiety I felt during those 18 months I had to go back to the US, and my dad dying, and my mom dying.
Ever since my mom passed away last November, I've been working hard to fully move forward and become a bright, healthy, strong woman who can hold her own against both the world and her mental illness. I've made leaps and bounds like you wouldn't believe, friends. I'm doing things I never thought I could do that are menial everyday tasks to everyone else. After twenty-nine years, I'm exploding from my cocoon with wings as vibrant as day.
But some things are holding me back from being able to move on, weighing me down as I try to rise.
And I struggled for a long time with the realization that some of those things were my old journals.
"But those are part of who I am," I whined to myself.
"No," said the reasonable part of me. "They are part of who you were, and honey, you are no longer that person."
"But what if I want to read them later in life? What if I want my kids to read them?"
"Do you really want that negativity hanging around you all your life, clinging to your ankles and not letting you move on? Do you really want to recall that shit when you're a wise, fantastic Crone? And why would you want your kids reading all that crap?" said the reasonable part of me.
All my life, I've had trouble letting go. Of people, of things. So this was not an easy decision for me. I had made it one of my goals on my 100 Things to Do in 2013 list, and I honestly wasn't sure if I could go through with it.
My children won't need to read my old journals. They will have me as I am and see all my beautiful scrapbook pages I've made of my life.
So last night I took a deep breath, feeling small and scared (because I WAS getting rid of something that was a part of me, and for years I'd considered my journals to be like extra appendages), and I chucked my journals out into the garbage can with the other crap I'd tossed from my life.
I wasn't expecting the sudden relief that I felt.
So do I regret it?
Not one damn bit, darling.
It's going to be harder to toss all my old journals that still reside in my mom's house in Virginia, but now I know that I can.
Cross off number 25 on my 2013 List.
I also crossed off #100 at the same time. Another way of letting go and clearing negative energy was to write bad memories and regrets on paper, then destroy the paper somehow. I did this, ripped it up, cussed it out a bit, and flushed it down the toilet.
And I feel so much happier, ready to keep on travelling through my life without all that heavy baggage on me.
I think the summer has gotten off to a great start! I'm dancing with happiness!
Have you ever gotten rid of journals/diaries before? How did you do it?
Monday, June 17, 2013
More Oak Bank Park pictures!
I'm pretty sure this is my favourite place to go and relax and take pictures. I never get tired of it. It's so magical and relaxing; a great place to reconnect with Nature and her gifts.
What else is going on, you ask? Oh well, you probably aren't asking that, but I'll tell you anyway!
I've been working pretty hard to get everything ready for our handfasting on the 29th of this month. It's nice that this event is FINALLY happening, over four years since we got married! Here are a few shots of in-progress details...
I'm really happy because it's going to be in our huge backyard, which is full of beautiful trees and is all lush and green. I got a lot of my DIY ideas from Pinterest (woo woo!) and each guest is going to make and bring a dish or something to barbecue. I'm working on our playlist and we'll be playing board games and drinking the night away. It's going to be absolutely splendid.
I ordered the Wedding Smash Folio by K&Company, and it should be here in a couple days. I bought it from Amazon.ca and it was shipped from St. Jacob's, Ontario, which is only a 2 1/2 hour drive from here. I'm really glad I was able to order it from such a nearby location, since it's officially crunch time now and the Michaels around here don't carry this particular folio! I'll be using it as a guest book and as a history of mine and Trevor's relationship. I'll review/show off the folio as soon as it arrives, too. Besides, I have some new pages in my orange smash folio to show off! :)
Time to get some shuteye before I have to get up for my monthly checkup at the doc's tomorrow. Blessed be, friends!
What else is going on, you ask? Oh well, you probably aren't asking that, but I'll tell you anyway!
I've been working pretty hard to get everything ready for our handfasting on the 29th of this month. It's nice that this event is FINALLY happening, over four years since we got married! Here are a few shots of in-progress details...
I'm really happy because it's going to be in our huge backyard, which is full of beautiful trees and is all lush and green. I got a lot of my DIY ideas from Pinterest (woo woo!) and each guest is going to make and bring a dish or something to barbecue. I'm working on our playlist and we'll be playing board games and drinking the night away. It's going to be absolutely splendid.
I ordered the Wedding Smash Folio by K&Company, and it should be here in a couple days. I bought it from Amazon.ca and it was shipped from St. Jacob's, Ontario, which is only a 2 1/2 hour drive from here. I'm really glad I was able to order it from such a nearby location, since it's officially crunch time now and the Michaels around here don't carry this particular folio! I'll be using it as a guest book and as a history of mine and Trevor's relationship. I'll review/show off the folio as soon as it arrives, too. Besides, I have some new pages in my orange smash folio to show off! :)
Time to get some shuteye before I have to get up for my monthly checkup at the doc's tomorrow. Blessed be, friends!
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Summer is here!
It's been a couple weeks since my last post! Here's what's gone on since then...
Our three foster kittens are the sweetest little girls anyone could ask for. They make every day happier!
The two tabbies are Lala and Lulu, and the tux is Lola. They had another sister and a grey tux brother, but both of them were adopted a couple weeks back.
The lilac trees on the border of this house and the next burst into bloom and dandelions exploded everywhere...
I got this beautiful spirit doll from my biomom. She is loaded with crystals and fragrant herbs, plus a written blessing.
And my youngest sister, Becky, made me this adorable whimsy jar!
I had my third craft day with my ladies, and we made origami, had sushi and ice cream, and watched Kiki's Delivery Service.
We spent the Victoria Day weekend relaxing, barbecuing, and watching fireworks.
Last Friday, I went to Anime North with said ladies :) It was a LOT of fun and I'm already super-excited for next year, when the girls and I will get a hotel room together and spend the whole weekend dressed up at the con!
On Saturday, Urban Cat Relief held their semi-annual yard & bake sale, and we made over two grand to help cover the costs of the rescue's vet bills! I'm so grateful to everyone who came out and supported us! It was a grand time and, as usual, Trevor, Elisa and I were able to come home with lots of goodies.
I've been very busy with art and swaps...
This is my second mini-zine, created for a swap. It's all about dark fairytales and was a big hit with my swap partners.
My first altered matchbox.
My May has been full of excitement, laughter until tears form, gorgeous weather and delicious barbecues, much-needed time with my girls, and fresh art inspiration. I am truly grateful for everything in my life!
I'm now gearing up for our handfasting at the end of June, another craft day/night, lots more art and working on my Things to Do in 2013 list, and getting back on the weightloss bandwagon. I hope you all have had a beautiful May!
Keep shining, my sparklers!
Mary
Our three foster kittens are the sweetest little girls anyone could ask for. They make every day happier!
The two tabbies are Lala and Lulu, and the tux is Lola. They had another sister and a grey tux brother, but both of them were adopted a couple weeks back.
The lilac trees on the border of this house and the next burst into bloom and dandelions exploded everywhere...
I got this beautiful spirit doll from my biomom. She is loaded with crystals and fragrant herbs, plus a written blessing.
And my youngest sister, Becky, made me this adorable whimsy jar!
I had my third craft day with my ladies, and we made origami, had sushi and ice cream, and watched Kiki's Delivery Service.
We spent the Victoria Day weekend relaxing, barbecuing, and watching fireworks.
Last Friday, I went to Anime North with said ladies :) It was a LOT of fun and I'm already super-excited for next year, when the girls and I will get a hotel room together and spend the whole weekend dressed up at the con!
On Saturday, Urban Cat Relief held their semi-annual yard & bake sale, and we made over two grand to help cover the costs of the rescue's vet bills! I'm so grateful to everyone who came out and supported us! It was a grand time and, as usual, Trevor, Elisa and I were able to come home with lots of goodies.
I've been very busy with art and swaps...
This is my second mini-zine, created for a swap. It's all about dark fairytales and was a big hit with my swap partners.
My first altered matchbox.
My May has been full of excitement, laughter until tears form, gorgeous weather and delicious barbecues, much-needed time with my girls, and fresh art inspiration. I am truly grateful for everything in my life!
I'm now gearing up for our handfasting at the end of June, another craft day/night, lots more art and working on my Things to Do in 2013 list, and getting back on the weightloss bandwagon. I hope you all have had a beautiful May!
Keep shining, my sparklers!
Mary
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