Handfasting, Canada Day, and my time at the cottage

Hello friends!

Our handfasting was a beautiful, light-hearted event where our dear friends Liat and Alora performed our handfasting just perfectly. The ceremony included an elemental blessing and was followed by a great potluck barbecue. Trev and I were so glad to have friends there who were unable to come to our actual wedding 4 1/2 years ago.

On Canada Day, we went down to Glen Mills/Georgetown for the parade and then to Mississauga for Toronto Ribfest. That night, Trev and I went with friends to a big fireworks display at Mel Lastman Square.

A few days later was our six-day trip to our friend's family cottage up in Haliburton! Let me just say it was absolutely wonderful. It's quite something to be disconnected when I'm connected to my computer every single day; it's refreshing, healing, and sorts out my mind's priorities. Being with your close friends every day, relaxing by the lake, playing board games and listening to music indoors, and having a surplus of delicious home-cooked meals is like nothing else in life.

The last time I went to any cottage was when our friend Kent's grandparents still had theirs out east by Tichborne, back in 2008 when I first came to Canada. It was such a great experience and I'd been longing for it ever since, even though Kent's grandparents sold the cottage a year or so later. So I was excited about this trip for months!

I saw a moose crossing sign while we were driving up, and so I was eagerly watching the wild wetlands for the unlikely opportunity of seeing one, but I saw beavers, loons, and pheasants instead. I learned to swim in the cool, gritty waters of Kushog Lake. We walked up the gravel road in the middle of the night with nothing but fireflies and millions of stars around and above us. I laughed until my head hurt, bonded with our friends even more, and felt my eyes tear up when I heard the wail of loons for the first time in five years. The girls and I put on Beauty and the Beast and painted our nails, making up our own lyrics to the songs and rolling over laughing. We were all really sad when we had to leave on Tuesday morning.

All I could see of my husband as we drove up, LOL

All I could see of Kent as we drove up in a full car.

First view of Kushog Lake!

Trev's and my lovely bedroom for six days!

And the view from said room!

Barbecuing for our first dinner at the cottage.

The little area where I learned to swim!

Some of us surrounding Trev and the bbq, getting hungry!

So much cheese and bacon!

Driving into Dorset, about 30-40 minutes from the cottage, for more booze and food supplies.

Our little caravan going to Dorset

Driving into Dorset

A truly glorious six days they were! I can't believe it's already been nearly two weeks since we arrived at the cottage. I hope we get to do it again next year!

Blessings,
Mary

Happy Summer, and how I threw away my journals

A blessed Summer Solstice to everyone on the northern hemisphere! May it be filled with love and light, and all the shadows in your mind and heart chased away by the sun.

In celebration of the solstice, I cleared out unnecessary clutter and junk from my life. Boom, into the garbage can. Whammo, into the recycling bins. I even let go of the white-knuckled clutch on my four most recent journals that were with me here in Canada.

Let me tell you something about my journals. I've had a diary ever since I was eight years old. I don't have my first three diaries anymore, but I possess every single one I've had since I was fourteen. I couldn't bear the thought of ever NOT having them in my life. Contained within are memories, thoughts, dreams, fantasies, and sometimes short stories and poems.

I even made a scrapbook page about them in 2010. It shows all of my journals minus one that I couldn't find, and minus three I'd written in since then.

But there was something else contained in all these journals, too.

Years and years of severe depression, heartache, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety that I didn't understand until a few years ago. Books back to front filled with endless negative energy that was tangible to me. Stagnation, isolation, ignorance, and bigotry. Definitely not the woman who I am now. I was crippled by mental illness, unable to stand on my own. Pages and pages documenting the cuts I made on my upper arms to punish myself for some reason or another. Pages and pages of me wanting to not exist. The last few journals dealt with the severe depression and anxiety I felt during those 18 months I had to go back to the US, and my dad dying, and my mom dying.

Ever since my mom passed away last November, I've been working hard to fully move forward and become a bright, healthy, strong woman who can hold her own against both the world and her mental illness. I've made leaps and bounds like you wouldn't believe, friends. I'm doing things I never thought I could do that are menial everyday tasks to everyone else. After twenty-nine years, I'm exploding from my cocoon with wings as vibrant as day.

But some things are holding me back from being able to move on, weighing me down as I try to rise.

And I struggled for a long time with the realization that some of those things were my old journals.

"But those are part of who I am," I whined to myself.

"No," said the reasonable part of me. "They are part of who you were, and honey, you are no longer that person."

"But what if I want to read them later in life? What if I want my kids to read them?"

"Do you really want that negativity hanging around you all your life, clinging to your ankles and not letting you move on? Do you really want to recall that shit when you're a wise, fantastic Crone? And why would you want your kids reading all that crap?" said the reasonable part of me.

All my life, I've had trouble letting go. Of people, of things. So this was not an easy decision for me. I had made it one of my goals on my 100 Things to Do in 2013 list, and I honestly wasn't sure if I could go through with it.

My children won't need to read my old journals. They will have me as I am and see all my beautiful scrapbook pages I've made of my life.

So last night I took a deep breath, feeling small and scared (because I WAS getting rid of something that was a part of me, and for years I'd considered my journals to be like extra appendages), and I chucked my journals out into the garbage can with the other crap I'd tossed from my life.

I wasn't expecting the sudden relief that I felt.

So do I regret it?

Not one damn bit, darling.

It's going to be harder to toss all my old journals that still reside in my mom's house in Virginia, but now I know that I can.

Cross off number 25 on my 2013 List.

I also crossed off #100 at the same time. Another way of letting go and clearing negative energy was to write bad memories and regrets on paper, then destroy the paper somehow. I did this, ripped it up, cussed it out a bit, and flushed it down the toilet.

And I feel so much happier, ready to keep on travelling through my life without all that heavy baggage on me.

I think the summer has gotten off to a great start! I'm dancing with happiness!

Have you ever gotten rid of journals/diaries before? How did you do it?

Summer is here!

It's been a couple weeks since my last post! Here's what's gone on since then...

Our three foster kittens are the sweetest little girls anyone could ask for. They make every day happier!


The two tabbies are Lala and Lulu, and the tux is Lola. They had another sister and a grey tux brother, but both of them were adopted a couple weeks back.

The lilac trees on the border of this house and the next burst into bloom and dandelions exploded everywhere...




I got this beautiful spirit doll from my biomom. She is loaded with crystals and fragrant herbs, plus a written blessing.



And my youngest sister, Becky, made me this adorable whimsy jar!



I had my third craft day with my ladies, and we made origami, had sushi and ice cream, and watched Kiki's Delivery Service.

We spent the Victoria Day weekend relaxing, barbecuing, and watching fireworks.

Last Friday, I went to Anime North with said ladies :) It was a LOT of fun and I'm already super-excited for next year, when the girls and I will get a hotel room together and spend the whole weekend dressed up at the con!

On Saturday, Urban Cat Relief held their semi-annual yard & bake sale, and we made over two grand to help cover the costs of the rescue's vet bills! I'm so grateful to everyone who came out and supported us! It was a grand time and, as usual, Trevor, Elisa and I were able to come home with lots of goodies.

I've been very busy with art and swaps...




This is my second mini-zine, created for a swap. It's all about dark fairytales and was a big hit with my swap partners.


My first altered matchbox.

My May has been full of excitement, laughter until tears form, gorgeous weather and delicious barbecues, much-needed time with my girls, and fresh art inspiration. I am truly grateful for everything in my life!

I'm now gearing up for our handfasting at the end of June, another craft day/night, lots more art and working on my Things to Do in 2013 list, and getting back on the weightloss bandwagon. I hope you all have had a beautiful May!

Keep shining, my sparklers!
Mary

I Love Spring! PIC HEAVY!

There is such glory in a pure blue sky, a warm breeze, a golden evening sun, and fragrant blooms and bird song both filling the air to create an ah-mazing symphony. On evenings like this, I feel so connected to nature and Spirit, and at such peace and happiness that I want to weep.

Last night's walk with le hubby was serene and beautiful. All we could hear were robins and other birds singing in the trees. Dandelions numbered in the thousands, turning happy faces to the slowly-setting sun. The sunlight was rich and buttery-gold, and the sky turned ice-blue and peach as the light began to fade at 8:30.

I really think that spring is a little bit of Heaven on Earth. A mighty queen reigning over one hemisphere at a time, spilling her mind and heart onto everything the sun can possibly touch. Magick at its finest and purest.

I took oodles of pictures! Enjoy these views of the royal court of spring, dearhearts!


This is the view from our door :)








































Blessings,
Mary