Celebrating Two Years

Today is the two-year anniversary of when I became a Permanent Resident of Canada.

Two years ago, on the 18th, I left my mother's home. It was a grey, icy day. Before going to the airport, my family had their annual Christmas gift exchange at my oldest biological sister's house, so everyone was there to say goodbye to me, and I got to see all the kids running around and shouting in excitement because of gifts and family and Christmas.

At five pm, Mom, my biomom, and my youngest biosister, Becky, took me to the airport. It was a very quiet evening, but everything inside me buzzed and shook with excitement and anxiety.

I flew to Dulles, where I was told the wrong gate number and missed my connecting flight to Toronto. In the middle of having the worst panic attack I'd ever experienced, I somehow managed to find the correct gate (by taking a train across the airport), rebook the flight for the following morning, and find a payphone to call my mom to tell her what happened and for my family to get hold of my husband somehow. He would be waiting at Pearson Airport and as he didn't have a mobile then, he would have no idea that I wouldn't be coming for another eight or nine hours! He was with his best friend, Kent, but I didn't know his mobile number by heart.

Debbie (biomom) was there with Mom, and both their voices immediately had a tranquilizing effect on me. While talking to them, I looked around and noticed I was right at the gate I would be leaving from in the morning.

After we hung up, I lugged my laptop case to the chairs nearest the gate doors, bundled myself up in my hat and gloves because it was cold there, and hunkered down to wait for dawn.

Meanwhile, Debbie contacted Elisa (mother-in-law) on Facebook and told her what had happened. The guys were finally reached after quite some time, so Trevor went back to Kent's place and crashed on his couch for the night, sleepless as he was.

I, too, was sleepless. From my panic attack, my lungs felt burnt out and my windpipe was raw and burning. Breathing was very painful for most of the night. I had a migraine and was nauseous. The airport soon emptied, and the only other person I met was the nighttime janitor.


I slept in fitful spurts, from 1-2am, then 3-4am. I kept eyeing the screen on the wall, paranoid that the flight schedule would suddenly change on me. It didn't, but I kept looking.

By 6am, the trickle of people had turned into a flood. The sky slowly lightened, and a coffee place nearby opened. I bought an espresso to get rid of my migraine, and it worked, but my nerves were shot and the caffeine made me shaky to the point of vibrating the entire row of seats I was sitting in.

I was up like a shot and was first in line when it was time to board.

When we rose above the flat grey-white clouds, pure sunlight filled the cabin. I looked out my window and saw a glory for the first time...


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My anxiety faded and I instantly felt at peace. I knew my landing experience would be just fine.

And it was. When we dipped below that ocean of white clouds, everything beneath was grey and snowy and beautiful. The experience of "landing" as a PR was the most anti-climactic part of Canadian immigration, except that I had to chase down my luggage which had arrived the previous night on the flight I had missed.

But it wasn't until I was in my husband's arms again that my anxiety completely vanished.

Oh, that was a good day indeed.

A year from now, I can apply for citizenship.

I am so grateful, so blessed.

I am joyous.

I'm so proud to live here.

Landing is imminent!

Hello, dear readers! I apologize for being a bit absent in posting. Things have been a whirlwind for me ever since I received PPR on November 15th and got my passport sent out.

I received my passport, its visa, and my landing papers on December 6th. I had tracked it via USPS and saw that it left Buffalo late at night on the 3rd and arrived in Roanoke about 11 hours later, but then it was a weekend so it didn't arrive here until Monday morning. AAahhh talk about the longest two days of waiting EVER!

To have those papers in my hands and know that it was all official and done and I was free to land as a Canadian resident... It was the most amazing feeling.

I had been a little fearful that Buffalo might reject the photos I sent them, so that was a(nother) sigh of relief!

I'll be landing on the evening of the 18th. That's just one week from today, almost to the hour! I don't have much to do to get ready, but I felt like I was running around like a headless chicken so I made a concise to-do list for this week. Needless to say, I'm relaxing a bit now and not feeling as stressed as I have been. I can't wait to head back north to where I really belong. I'm a bit nervous of the landing experience, as it varies with each individual immigrant and I'm well traumatized by Canadian border officers, but I know there's nothing to worry about now and it's just a matter of signing paperwork when I step off the plane in chilly Toronto. I suppose it's only natural to worry about landing, but I'm looking forward to the emotional rush when they officially welcome me to Canada.

I will update for you all next Sunday. I will share photos, talk about the landing experience and show you all my immigration timeline. Then I'll be able to post what this blog was created for: my new life in Canada, one which I had began in June of 2008 and had been cut short in May of 2009 when I had to return to Virginia.

Please send prayers or good thoughts that my night flight and landing will both go smoothly and without any snags! :)

Ramblings of a Nervous Wreck!

I got my passport sent off today, woohoo! It will arrive in Buffalo by noon tomorrow. I hope they begin processing it before Thanksgiving and before the holiday slowing-down-to-a-sludge begins for them. My stupid anxiety and paranoia keep making me feel that I didn't do all the steps correctly, or send the little package off right, and the pessimism in me automatically turns the dial to Worst Case Scenario Thinking.

Getting tired of all that. The anxiety, paranoia, and pessimism have been dramatically warping my life since I was a child. Of course, I get told that I'm simply being stupid and to not think that way, but nobody seems to get that it's just not easy. Believe me, I've tried. I WISH it were that easy.

We started by going to Food Lion so my mother could cash in a container of coins that she had accumulated over time. Then we went to Walmart to pick up Thanksgiving food, check for legal-size print paper (which they didn't have, which means I have to traipse to the other side of Roanoke to the nearest Office Max), and to get photos done for Buffalo.

The guy at the photo lab was bemused when I showed him Appendix B of the region specific form section of Canadian immigrating. I asked him if he could adjust the crown-to-chin measurements to what Buffalo required, and he said he would try his best. He just kept staring at me as though I had asked him to take a picture of me nude. I guess he doesn't get immigrants very often, LOL!

The photos were done in fifteen minutes. I accidentally glanced at them. Can I just say ew? I looked drunk, with a beach ball face and a slight double chin that even stretching my face out a bit to lengthen my neck couldn't hide. Oh well, I'm sure Immigration has seen worse.

Maybe.

After we got all that we needed (and my mother saying she needed a tranquilizer to deal with my "stupid" anxiety), I sat in my niece's car and meticulously trimmed the photos to specification. They ended up a little crooked, which bothered me. I really don't know if Buffalo is going to accept them at all, but if they don't, they don't. I can't do anything about it right now.

Then we drove back to Food Lion to buy the turkey, which was supposed to be 39 cents a pound. The wild turkey chase (lol) and dreams of stuffing a cold carcass came to an end when a stocker informed us that they were sold out of everything but turkey breast. We didn't want to make a pilgrimage (lol) back to Walmart, so we bought a breast (now that just sounds weird).

Then it was off to the post office! At this point, I was so stressed, mushed in the back seat with my younger niece and my carseat-age nephew, trying to pore over my checklist and made last minute corrections to envelopes and stuff while the car was moving... well, my hands were shaking and I wanted to cry. Told you it was bad, LOL. And the guy in the post office was a total grump. I tried to be my usual cheerful self, and he wasn't having any of it. I just KNEW he was thinking "Bah, HUMBUG!" in his head the entire time. In the same bored drone that he used when speaking. I wondered if he had ever smiled in his whole life. Yikes.

So I think I got it all right. There's no use worrying about it. After so many months of worrying and the way my stomach has been acting up lately, I'm afraid that I might have an ulcer or gastritis (I was SO GENEROUSLY given gastritis around this time in 2008 and it was a horrible experience). Yeah, I worry too much. I worry needlessly, stress needlessly, lose sleep needlessly. I can't even summon up joy that I sent this stuff out, because I'm worried about jinxing myself and something going wrong, mainly with the photos.

Yeah, I'm a nervous wreck for no good reason!

But as long as everything goes well, this is the final wait. At this time next month, I'll either be back in Canada or getting ready to head up there. My husband is very excited and has been in an excellent mood lately. I can't wait to be home with him :)

2 Emotional Bits of News

I got a double whammy when it came to very emotional news today. One was bad, the other was good. I'll go ahead and share the bad.

Our eighteen-year-old cat, Zed, had to be put down today. He loved everyone. When I first arrived at the house in Thornhill in June of 2008, he greeted me at the door and meowed at me. I quickly became close with the old man and adored him.

I wish I had been able to say goodbye to him. Like everything else in Canada, I haven't physically seen him for eighteen months. But now he's without pain, and he finished his long, relatively healthy life in my husband's and mother in law's arms.

After I found out about Zed being put down, well, needless to say I was bawling my eyes out. Then, just minutes later, I received an email from Canadian Immigration.

Here's the good news.

I received my passport request!!! I need to get three recent photos made and mail off my passport to Buffalo, and within a few weeks I'll receive it back and I'm free to land as a Canadian resident!!!!

Talk about an emotional rollercoaster today.

While my heart is heavy because I'm sad that my old man cat is gone, I'm also rejoicing in the fact that I can return to Canada very soon. I've spent the last few hours bawling my eyes out. It's hard to realize just how emotional immigration is until it's over and the fear and the wait are almost completely over.

Sometimes I didn't ever believe that this would be over. It's kind of hard to believe right now! But I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me, and you can bet I'm hopping up and down thanking God right now for blessing me the way He has =)

Chillin' and Waitin'

______________________________


One of my fellow applicants has FINALLY received her visa today and will be landing as a Canadian resident tomorrow. You can read her blog here, which is full of important information regarding Canadian immigration.

I'm so overjoyed for her that I'm crying. Yes, right at this instant. It might sound silly, because I don't even know her in real life, or really outside Road to Canada, but she's been so fearful and worried (feelings shared by all of us current applicants) and I know that she's soaring sky-high right now.

I prayed so hard that all of us May & June applicants would get residency. So far, we all have, though I'll be the last one to land since I delayed in paying the RPRF (Right to Permanent Residence Fee). But I don't mind; I'm just chillin' and waitin', getting stuff taken care of and tying up the loose ends here.

No more uncertainty.
No more fear.
No more anxiety.
No more being separated from her husband.
A new chapter has begun, and freedom has been attained.

I can't wait until I can take my place among the landed residents.

However, I firmly believe that there was a reason I was supposed to be here for as long as I've been, and others have told me the same thing. Helping Mom take care of Dad when he was so ill... being with Dad in his final days and hours... keeping Mom motivated to get up every morning... It was very hard for me to understand my own strife at first, but after we lost Dad, I slowly began to see the big picture.

These last seventeen months have been an emotional roller coaster that I hope to never, ever experience again in my lifetime. But this roller coaster has made me into a better person, stronger than I would have ever imagined, and it's even strengthened my faith and my marriage.

Immigration isn't for the faint of heart.