Summer is Ending

Hello, my dear lovelies. I hope all is well in your corners of the universe.

In the lush emerald green of a Canadian summer, I've been trying to connect myself, but time and time getting pushed away by my own increasing depression. I sit in the house so much, filling out applications and despairing when I can't keep my anxiety under control. It is why I haven't been updating. I've felt weak, uninspired, and disconnected.

But I can't always avoid the cure-all that is Mother Nature. Even just having one window open all day and evening drastically lifted my spirits. A short walk in the sun felt glorious to every inch of my body. I felt renewed each time; picked up just a little bit more until I was no longer sludging along the ground like a slug, instead standing a little higher, a little taller.

Increased time with close friends has also helped me a great deal, especially with Liat and Alora, best friends who live together in an adorable little apartment with their dog, Monkey. Not only is it a lot of fun and laughs, but it's helping me gain more personal independence.

And my Cipralex dosage was increased to the maximum, 20mg. I've been on this higher dose for a week now and have had no negative side effects to speak of, except for insomnia that I've had for ages anyway. I would really love to gradually switch to something herbal, but for now I marvel at modern medicine working in my brain and helping me to not be in a dangerous mental place any more. Because life is far too precious, my friends.

Now some trees are changing because Mother Nature seems to think it's September instead of August. The nights have been downright chilly and the days much cooler than they had been. It's slowly heating up again, but I realize autumn is not far off. The Wheel still turns, and I sit and ponder why it has turned so fast. It seems like just yesterday was January.

I have done a few more things in my 100 Things to Do in 2013 list, awesomely! Yes, awesomely is a new word.

22. Learn to swim.
I'm still working on this one, and as much as I seem to fear the water, it will take me time. I improve bit by bit every time I try. On Monday I spent 3 1/2 hours in my friends' building's indoor pool and had a blast. I'm going again on Sunday/Monday and hope to see even more improvement.

62. Continue learning personal independence.
I mentioned this above. This task for 2013 was very important to me. My anxiety issues have caused me to cling hard to Trevor since the beginning, and thank the Universe he is a very patient and understanding man. Travelling alone to be with friends, spending the night or weekend with Liat and Alora, and doing things as simple as grocery shopping on my own and going wherever I please. It's made a world of difference in my life, especially lately, and I'm no longer clutching Trevor's apron strings (lol! now isn't THAT a mental image!). I suddenly know a freedom that has no bounds other than lack of money, haha!

65. Get a cell phone.
Yeah, yeah, I'm the last young adult in western society to not own a mobile. But I'm no longer putting it off. I have my MIL's Blackberry Curve that I'm going to unlock and take in to Koodo to get a monthly plan. Having a mobile will increase my feeling of independence even more. I'm looking forward to getting to text my friends and use things like Foursquare. :)

86. Have coffee grounds or tea leaves read.
This is something I vowed to do this year after learning that Liat's mom has been reading coffee grounds for over two decades. Why not, I thought with a little shrug. I honestly don't know how much I believe in this world, but I do know there is far more than what meets the eye. Call it another plane that interacts with this one, or magick, or what have you, but there is something there. And I am open to almost anything.

Susie, Liat's mom, doesn't know me very well, but I absolutely adore her. She's a sweet little Israeli beauty full of spitfire and fun; a strong lady who recently fought breast cancer and not only won, but stomped it hard into the ground and set its remains on fire. For years Trevor has called her his second mom.

Her birthday was this past week, so on Sunday we had a little dinner party for her at Liat and Alora's place. After finishing our meal, Liat made Turkish coffee and I was instructed to put the saucer over the cup and turn them both over so that the cup was upside-down on top of the saucer. We waited a little while, then Susie picked up my cup and saucer and looked hard at them for a while, turning the cup this way and that and studying the patterns the coffee grounds had made.

She told me that hardships were ending, that things were about to make a turn for the better and that my incessant worrying would soon see relief. She said something good was coming, such as a job or a move, and that I have a very important (and good!) letter coming in two or three months' time. She said that I need to stay connected to the family I have deeply bonded with recently, and she saw that I had lost someone dear to me. When I told her my mom died last November and Dad back in 2009, she smiled and said they were okay and were watching over me. She concluded by saying that I am closely surrounded by many people who will raise me up in happiness and love, in particular three females who will help me the most.

So that was really interesting, I thought, and we'll see what comes of it. Especially the letter! I have an idea of what it might be, but again, we'll see.

My biomom shared a really nice graphic with me on Facebook earlier. It read:

"Live the life you want to live. Never be ashamed of anything. Make decisions. Make mistakes. If you fall, at least you fell because you tried. No regrets. It's life."

What a wonderful affirmation to help me clear the last of these black clouds in my mind and heart! We'll see what tomorrow brings, and I'm glad to be able to say that.

I'm not dead...!

Yes, friends and readers, I'm alive! :) I've spent the last month doing swaps on Swap-Bot, art, healing mentally, and looking for a job. No luck in that last front, but hopefully soon.

Spring has finally arrived here in southern Ontario. We had possible tornado damage around Newmarket last night, and lots and lots of rain. The grass is emerald-green, the robins are singing, trees have big fat buds, and the restaurants have their patios ready. I love this precious season so much, and it never seems to last very long.

I've gotten a few more things done in my 100 Things to Do This Year list...!

To refresh, here is the original post about the list.


Complete my 1st gratitude diary.

Writing down five gratitudes per day not only reminds us of the important things in our lives, but it also improves our mindset and mood! I highly recommend getting a journal to jot down five wonderful things in your day, whether they're big things or little things.

Leonie Dawson's got an adorable pocket gratitude diary to print and keep in your purse for 21 days! Get it here!






Create a Dreamboard.

This is something really neat featured in Leonie Dawson's Incredible Year workbook and you can check it out here!. Filling it with words and/or pictures that inspire you and keep it wherever you can see it, it helps to manifest your dreams for this year :)

My dream board is very small, but it sits right on my computer desk where I can see it always and be reminded!




Sew Curtains for the Living Room.

I forgot to take a picture of this, oops! But basically I bought a cute sheet at Value Village and made equally cute curtains for our living room. The fabric is light blue and yellow plaid and it adds a nice bit of colour to our apartment which mostly consists of wood and beige colours!

Own an iPod!
A small, silly thing, but I've ALWAYS wanted one!



On top of the Kobo that my MIL got me for Christmas :)


Buy a DSLR Camera.

This is something I've wanted to own for a looonggg time now. We decided to go with an older model of the Canon Rebel due to financial restrictions.



Isn't she a beauty? She needs a name! ;)

Thanks to my MIL, who has been a photographer for most of her life, we procured two external flashes! We also got a telephoto lens from her friend. So now I just need a hood and a couple other items for the flashes, and I'm good. Here are some pictures I've taken with this camera before we got the telephoto lens:



Nurture Relationships.

This is probably my most important thing on this year's list. Family, friends, no excuses. I'm not letting my anxiety and social awkwardness get in my way. I'm letting old emotions come to the surface with my family and heal. I'm spending time with my female friends, going out to lunch and D&D with others. I'm having monthly craft meetings with my girls. I'm connecting on a high level with my biological mother, and making sure I tell my online friends how much I love them.

I will update again this weekend, I promise! :)

Working on my Incredible Year workbook!

Spring is just around the corner already! Can I get a WOO-HOO?!?

This winter had me hibernating, reflecting, and being introspective. I've worked on my Incredible Year workbook and have been reading, crafting, drawing, and swapping on Swap-Bot. In my hibernation I've been dreaming up ideas for the things I want to create and share with the world. I've begun to do things on my 100 Things To Do This Year list...




Here is what I have accomplished so far in 2013 on my To Do List:

1 - Make an awesome 2013 workbook binder for myself.



Right on the inside is the table of contents, showing what's under each tab. "Goddess" is for my Incredible Year workbook as well as the rest of my personal discovery in 2013. "Trackers" include mood, fertility, monthlies, and how I feel before, during and after large solar flares.




2 - Go to a monster truck show.
We actually ended up doing this for our fourth anniversary in January! It was noisy as hell and a LOT of fun!




3 - Make pastel Christmas ornaments.
I'd been wanting to do this ever since I got my white tree last year and got absolutely obsessed with pastel decorations via my Pinterest. I've gotten SO many gorgeous ideas pinned to that board that I hardly know where to go next, so this strikethrough on the to-do list is only half-true. I'm not stopping with just these three ornaments!



I haven't yet put in their white thread hangers, but I bought these as plain wooden ornaments from DeSerres last month. I may end up adding more glitter because I'm not satisfied with how they look at the moment. But we'll see ;)

4 - Organize digital photo collection on my computer.
I felt so refreshed to get this done. All my photos are sorted into folders and sub-folders. For instance, I have a Family folder where photos of my family are sorted into sub-folders by name. I have a Nature album sorted by year and season. Special events or trips that have gotten TONS of photos get their own folders.

5 - Organize my digital scrapbooking stash.
This was a far more monumental task than my photos, but I completed it with a basic folder system separating kits by theme, and removing all alphas from their kits and placing them amongst all the others in my Alphas folder.

6 - Make a new e-mail address.
I have had silverhealer21 ever since I WAS 21. Eight years. It's been a sort of comfort to me, part of my identity, and not part of me that I wanted to change. But as I pawed through my Incredible Year workbook and knew I needed a huge refresher, a huge rejuvenation and newness in my life, I knew that that email address had to go. And so, wayfaring.dreams at gmail was born! :)


7 - Make my own Livejournal icons that really speak to me.
I've been using Livejournal as my intimate journal for years. Since 2004, to be precise. There are many communities and people there who make wonderful user icons, but I've never felt totally satisfied. So I downloaded icon texture packs, found some lovely images, and made my personal icons. One of these, of course, was my dear caribou spirit, and it is my default icon. I even changed my layout to a lovely, soft pink and I feel more at home on my Livejournal now!


8 - Make a 2013 Memory Jar.
Inspired by my lovely blogging friend Tina over at Sugar Bean Bakers, my MIL and I decided we really wanted to do one this year!

Click here to see Tina's 2012 jar, jammed full of wonderful memories throughout the year.

We call ours the Jar of Awesome Stuff, and it's already gotten quite a few Awesome Memories slipped inside! I keep forgetting to buy alphabet stickers to officially label our jar, but here it is anyway!



21 - Own a patchwork skirt.
I have seriously been obsessing over patchwork maxi skirts for ages, not sure if I should try to find one to buy or attempt to make one myself. Well, I was browsing through the wonderful store at The Rainforest Site and I gasped when I came across this fair trade beauty:


Recycled Sari Wraparound Skirt (two lengths) - $24.95

Made out of salvaged pieces of discarded Indian saris, this skirt recycles them into an entirely new and beautiful piece. The longer one, which is the one I purchased, is made of 100% recycled silk and is incredibly soft and light. I haven't gotten a chance to take a picture of it yet, but believe me, it is gorgeous!! It's very unique and I love to study the patterns in each square.

This kinda-sorta also made me reach 60 - Buy Fair Trade, but I didn't check off that in my workbook because I want to buy more fair trade this year to justify it!

92 - Do something that scares me.
I went to the Niagara Butterfly Conservatory with my friends Kent, Nicole and her brother Corey a couple weeks ago, and I steeled my nerve and held a scorpion. Followed by a tarantula.

DO NOT SCROLL DOWN IF YOU ARE PHOBIC OF EITHER CREATURE!!!!!!!!

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My throat was dry and I felt sweat prickling my temples and the back of my neck, but I did it! I've gotta say, I felt pretty amazing afterwards!


Now it is time to go back into hibernation, in our wonderful dark, warm bedroom where my altar stands and our fan hums soft white noise, and dream again.

Create Your Incredible Year pimping!

Yes, I am totally pimping this amazing workbook by none other than the effervescent, luminescent Leonie Dawson!


The 2013 Create Your Incredible Year workbook, planner & calendar is an incredibly popular & useful tool to help you plan out & make happen your most incredible year in life or busines (or both!). Over the last four years, thousands of women have used this workbook with the most amazing results. It’s the best planning tool available to help you make your year your most exceptional yet!

Used by entrepreneurs, artists, mamas, creatives, coaches, teachers and women of all ages, the Creating Your Incredible Year workbooks are filled with dozens of pages of powerful worksheets & a printable calendar to help you create your amazing new year.

The first time I purchased the workbook, planner & calender was for 2012. In those inspiring, vivid pages, I began to grow as a woman, as a creative, as Mary. I did so many things I'd never done before. I dreamed and created things I'd never created before.

This year, I'm going to make it supernova!

I will be blogging about the workbook as I go along :)

I plan on using Create Your Incredible Year every single year. As long as Leonie keeps making them, I'll be there!

For 2013 there's also a Business edition, which will help you grow and dream in your personal business. I decided not to get that edition this year, as it's for women who have already established their business. Hopefully next year :)








I think the clincher for me was seeing a video about someone's experience with this workbook. As soon as I saw her pages, I KNEW I had to have it! Here's a wonderful video showcasing 2013's workbook.



It's definitely something I highly, highly recommend in your life, along with the books "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Bah Breathnach and "Succulent Wild Woman" by SARK. I believe this trifecta should be in every woman's life.

Seriously. Completely.

So are you ready to make your 2013 INCREDIBLE?