Happy Summer, and how I threw away my journals

A blessed Summer Solstice to everyone on the northern hemisphere! May it be filled with love and light, and all the shadows in your mind and heart chased away by the sun.

In celebration of the solstice, I cleared out unnecessary clutter and junk from my life. Boom, into the garbage can. Whammo, into the recycling bins. I even let go of the white-knuckled clutch on my four most recent journals that were with me here in Canada.

Let me tell you something about my journals. I've had a diary ever since I was eight years old. I don't have my first three diaries anymore, but I possess every single one I've had since I was fourteen. I couldn't bear the thought of ever NOT having them in my life. Contained within are memories, thoughts, dreams, fantasies, and sometimes short stories and poems.

I even made a scrapbook page about them in 2010. It shows all of my journals minus one that I couldn't find, and minus three I'd written in since then.

But there was something else contained in all these journals, too.

Years and years of severe depression, heartache, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety that I didn't understand until a few years ago. Books back to front filled with endless negative energy that was tangible to me. Stagnation, isolation, ignorance, and bigotry. Definitely not the woman who I am now. I was crippled by mental illness, unable to stand on my own. Pages and pages documenting the cuts I made on my upper arms to punish myself for some reason or another. Pages and pages of me wanting to not exist. The last few journals dealt with the severe depression and anxiety I felt during those 18 months I had to go back to the US, and my dad dying, and my mom dying.

Ever since my mom passed away last November, I've been working hard to fully move forward and become a bright, healthy, strong woman who can hold her own against both the world and her mental illness. I've made leaps and bounds like you wouldn't believe, friends. I'm doing things I never thought I could do that are menial everyday tasks to everyone else. After twenty-nine years, I'm exploding from my cocoon with wings as vibrant as day.

But some things are holding me back from being able to move on, weighing me down as I try to rise.

And I struggled for a long time with the realization that some of those things were my old journals.

"But those are part of who I am," I whined to myself.

"No," said the reasonable part of me. "They are part of who you were, and honey, you are no longer that person."

"But what if I want to read them later in life? What if I want my kids to read them?"

"Do you really want that negativity hanging around you all your life, clinging to your ankles and not letting you move on? Do you really want to recall that shit when you're a wise, fantastic Crone? And why would you want your kids reading all that crap?" said the reasonable part of me.

All my life, I've had trouble letting go. Of people, of things. So this was not an easy decision for me. I had made it one of my goals on my 100 Things to Do in 2013 list, and I honestly wasn't sure if I could go through with it.

My children won't need to read my old journals. They will have me as I am and see all my beautiful scrapbook pages I've made of my life.

So last night I took a deep breath, feeling small and scared (because I WAS getting rid of something that was a part of me, and for years I'd considered my journals to be like extra appendages), and I chucked my journals out into the garbage can with the other crap I'd tossed from my life.

I wasn't expecting the sudden relief that I felt.

So do I regret it?

Not one damn bit, darling.

It's going to be harder to toss all my old journals that still reside in my mom's house in Virginia, but now I know that I can.

Cross off number 25 on my 2013 List.

I also crossed off #100 at the same time. Another way of letting go and clearing negative energy was to write bad memories and regrets on paper, then destroy the paper somehow. I did this, ripped it up, cussed it out a bit, and flushed it down the toilet.

And I feel so much happier, ready to keep on travelling through my life without all that heavy baggage on me.

I think the summer has gotten off to a great start! I'm dancing with happiness!

Have you ever gotten rid of journals/diaries before? How did you do it?

My Smash Books

Smash books are all the rage right now. You may have heard of them.

But what is a "smash book", exactly?

It's a way to capture memories and life moments, channelling the very roots of what scrapbooking used to be: people making simple memory books, stuffing them full of memorabilia, photos and mementos. Of course, scrapbooking has taken its own art form, so the idea of smash books is to get back to that quick and easier way of capturing what is going on in your life. You can write down anything that's in your mind, stick in photos, cut up a magazine or catalogue and glue in things that really speak to you or that you want, or place ticket stubs, flight itineraries, and more! The possibilities are endless.

K&Company have a wonderful line of smash books and coordinating products that you can order online or buy at Michaels. Of course, you could always make your own as well from scrapbook kits, office supplies, and whatever else you fancy. I was starting to make my own smash book inside a new journal I had received as a gift, but then I went to the new Michaels that had opened up by the North York Centre and found some K&Company stuff on clearance!

I ended up with the orange Simple folio for $5.99, then later went back and found the yellow International folio for $4.99, plus some extras. Woohoo!!! I love how each folio has a different cover and a totally different theme inside; it makes me want to collect them all! They've even released a bridal folio.


You can leave the covers as is, or you can decorate them to your heart's content. As you can see, I started tracing the design on Simple's cover, and I'll probably add some cute fabric flowers or something as well. Each folio comes with a dual-ended pen/glue stick.

I want to share some of my pages with you! Some are unfinished, but I'm having a great time :)




The only two pages I've done so far in the International folio, and they're not finished. I glued in my plane tickets and itinerary from when I flew back to Canada to land as a resident. Good memory indeed! :) The rest of the pages are all in the Simple folio.






Virtually anything can work as a pocket to hold cutout words, drawings, photos, and tidbits. I love to use teabag wrappers for this purpose! :)















And each folio has a pocket in the back where you can store stuff!



Check out my growing Smash Corner by my computer :) The painted boxes hold lots of little odds and ends to use in my books.


Like I said before, the possibilities are endless! Make your smash book your own! There are no rules, no limits. Mine are a mix between memory-keeping and journalling. You can go your own way :)

Blessings,
Mary

Scrapbooking - Book of Me Ideas

I hope that everyone has had a lovely January thus far. In the northern hemisphere, it is often a dark, barren, cold month with little sun. In Virginia, I enjoyed mild winters (well, mild compared to here, anyway!) and lots of winter sun. Here is not nearly as bad as other Canadian places, such as Winnipeg or Sasketchewan, but January is still my least favourite month out of the year.

But I've been making it much more enjoyable, focusing on my art and scrapbooking. I've been working on my Book of Me/Encyclopedia of Me even more, and I wanted to share with you some inspiring prompts and ideas to get your own BOM off the ground and into the hands of the future.

The BOM is great in journaling format, or in scrapbooking, or in junk journaling. Do whatever feels best to you! Don't stress for perfection. Breathe deep and relax, and let your pen or scrapbooking tools do the work for you. It will mean that much more to you and your loved ones.



Favourites:
*Foods
*Sounds
*Scents
*Place
*Recipe
*Season
*Colour (this is a fun one to scrap about. Go on a photo adventure and take pictures of things in your favourite colour, then use scrapbook papers and embellishments in that same colour!)

About Me:
*Scrap/write about your Eastern and Western zodiac.
*Your name and the meaning/origin of it.
*Then and Now (I once did a scrapbook page of my favourite things dating from when I was 10, 15, 20, and 25 years old, and included pictures).
*What Makes Me Happy
*When I'm Sad, I...
*Things That Irritate Me
*Hobbies and Why I Love Them
*What I Do to Relax
*Places I've Been
*What I Love About... (a particular season, holiday, etc)
*10 Things About Me
*10 Things I Love

Prompts:
What was your first job?
How do you deal with stress?
Things you've done that you never thought you could do!
How do you express your love?
What do you do after you've made a mistake?
Describe your worst habit.
In the silence you find:
What makes you feel sexy?
Could you be brutally honest with friends and family?
What are you thankful for?
In what ways are you still affected by childhood problems?
What rituals do you have?
I wish I were more...
I wish I were less...
Do you collect anything? If so, what?
What's the worst advice you've ever been given?
Do you own anything of sentimental value?
What is your idea of a perfect day?
In what ways do you like to indulge yourself?
What are your guilty pleasures?
What have you lied about?
What happens if you let anger and upset stay bottled up inside for too long?
What is going on at this very moment?
Describe the perfect autumn day.
Do you have holiday traditions, or are you thinking about starting new ones? Describe them.
What sound is most comforting to you?
How many places have you lived in your life? What was your favourite?
What is the most frustrating part of who you are?
When you're around too much negativity, you...
What do you deeply want from life?
Write about an old resentment or hurt.
What was your first pet?
What countries would you LOVE to visit?
Nobody knows that you...
Character traits you think others admire in you.
Your greatest fears.
What's the strangest dream you can remember having?
What stirs your soul and gets you excited?
What do you want to do this year?
Do you believe in an afterlife?
What makes you feel guilty?
What is your first reaction to a blank canvas?
What makes you laugh?
What has scared you the most?
Are you a morning person or a night owl?
What's your morning routine?
What stops you from being creative?


Childhood
What is the earliest memory you can think of?
Did you have an allowance? What did you have to do to earn it?
Describe a typical day in junior high.
Describe your first crush and how you felt around him/her.
What was your favourite subject in school? Your worst?
Talk about Christmas or other major holidays as a child.
What were your favourite toys and games?
What were your favourite tv shows?
Write about how your family celebrated your birthdays. Elaborate on any special ones.
Who was your first celebrity crush?
What did you like to do on a rainy day?
What got you the most excited?
Do you recall visits to your grandparents' home? Do you have any special memories about them?
Write about things you did and places you went with your mother.
Write about things you did and places you went with your father.
Where did you live as a child? Describe it in as much detail as possible.
Did you have any pets growing up?
Describe a favourite childhood friend and activities you did with him or her.
What could easily get you into trouble?
Favourite childhood activities.
What were your favourite places to go with your parents?
Do you have any siblings? Are you the eldest, middle, or youngest?
Write about the story of your birth as told by your mother.
What were your favourite Halloween costumes?
Did you go to summer camp? Any special stories?
What do you miss about being a child?

Marriage
Describe your wedding day.
How did you become engaged?
Write a description of your spouse.
What initially attracted you two together?
Scrap a "Versus" page about you and your spouse, showing your contrasting favourites in columns; one column for you, the other for your spouse.
Describe your first home as a young couple.
Write about the things you love about your spouse.