Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Backyard cherries, plus a sneak peek at my Wedding Smash Folio!

The cherry trees in our backyard are finally bursting with ruby-red fruit! We haven't had anything on these trees for the past two years or so, and we weren't expecting to. So imagine our surprise when we went into the backyard a few days ago and saw all this!

My MIL and I had a blast picking tons of cherries. I'm going to make a pie in the next couple of days!

We're just a few days away now from our handfasting. It's an outdoor BBQ event, but despite it's casualness, I'm a little nervous. I want everything to be perfect and for everyone to enjoy themselves!

I'm happy that, after being married for 4 1/2 years, we're FINALLY able to hold this event for our families and friends.

In anticipation of the event, I purchased the K&Company Wedding Folio from because both Michaels around here didn't have it. It arrived within two days and I LOVE it! It's going to serve as a guest book at the handfasting as well as show the history of our relationship. Here's a sneak peek of my favourite pages in the book, pre-smash!

I'm looking forward to smashing in this book. I'm getting photos printed tomorrow so I can begin!

I still have to show you guys and gals some new smash pages in my other books, but I shall do so either on Sunday or early next week before we leave for our friend's cottage up by Horseshoe Lake. :)


Friday, June 21, 2013

Happy Summer, and how I threw away my journals

A blessed Summer Solstice to everyone on the northern hemisphere! May it be filled with love and light, and all the shadows in your mind and heart chased away by the sun.

In celebration of the solstice, I cleared out unnecessary clutter and junk from my life. Boom, into the garbage can. Whammo, into the recycling bins. I even let go of the white-knuckled clutch on my four most recent journals that were with me here in Canada.

Let me tell you something about my journals. I've had a diary ever since I was eight years old. I don't have my first three diaries anymore, but I possess every single one I've had since I was fourteen. I couldn't bear the thought of ever NOT having them in my life. Contained within are memories, thoughts, dreams, fantasies, and sometimes short stories and poems.

I even made a scrapbook page about them in 2010. It shows all of my journals minus one that I couldn't find, and minus three I'd written in since then.

But there was something else contained in all these journals, too.

Years and years of severe depression, heartache, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety that I didn't understand until a few years ago. Books back to front filled with endless negative energy that was tangible to me. Stagnation, isolation, ignorance, and bigotry. Definitely not the woman who I am now. I was crippled by mental illness, unable to stand on my own. Pages and pages documenting the cuts I made on my upper arms to punish myself for some reason or another. Pages and pages of me wanting to not exist. The last few journals dealt with the severe depression and anxiety I felt during those 18 months I had to go back to the US, and my dad dying, and my mom dying.

Ever since my mom passed away last November, I've been working hard to fully move forward and become a bright, healthy, strong woman who can hold her own against both the world and her mental illness. I've made leaps and bounds like you wouldn't believe, friends. I'm doing things I never thought I could do that are menial everyday tasks to everyone else. After twenty-nine years, I'm exploding from my cocoon with wings as vibrant as day.

But some things are holding me back from being able to move on, weighing me down as I try to rise.

And I struggled for a long time with the realization that some of those things were my old journals.

"But those are part of who I am," I whined to myself.

"No," said the reasonable part of me. "They are part of who you were, and honey, you are no longer that person."

"But what if I want to read them later in life? What if I want my kids to read them?"

"Do you really want that negativity hanging around you all your life, clinging to your ankles and not letting you move on? Do you really want to recall that shit when you're a wise, fantastic Crone? And why would you want your kids reading all that crap?" said the reasonable part of me.

All my life, I've had trouble letting go. Of people, of things. So this was not an easy decision for me. I had made it one of my goals on my 100 Things to Do in 2013 list, and I honestly wasn't sure if I could go through with it.

My children won't need to read my old journals. They will have me as I am and see all my beautiful scrapbook pages I've made of my life.

So last night I took a deep breath, feeling small and scared (because I WAS getting rid of something that was a part of me, and for years I'd considered my journals to be like extra appendages), and I chucked my journals out into the garbage can with the other crap I'd tossed from my life.

I wasn't expecting the sudden relief that I felt.

So do I regret it?

Not one damn bit, darling.

It's going to be harder to toss all my old journals that still reside in my mom's house in Virginia, but now I know that I can.

Cross off number 25 on my 2013 List.

I also crossed off #100 at the same time. Another way of letting go and clearing negative energy was to write bad memories and regrets on paper, then destroy the paper somehow. I did this, ripped it up, cussed it out a bit, and flushed it down the toilet.

And I feel so much happier, ready to keep on travelling through my life without all that heavy baggage on me.

I think the summer has gotten off to a great start! I'm dancing with happiness!

Have you ever gotten rid of journals/diaries before? How did you do it?

Monday, June 17, 2013

More Oak Bank Park pictures!

I'm pretty sure this is my favourite place to go and relax and take pictures. I never get tired of it. It's so magical and relaxing; a great place to reconnect with Nature and her gifts.

What else is going on, you ask? Oh well, you probably aren't asking that, but I'll tell you anyway!

I've been working pretty hard to get everything ready for our handfasting on the 29th of this month. It's nice that this event is FINALLY happening, over four years since we got married! Here are a few shots of in-progress details...

I'm really happy because it's going to be in our huge backyard, which is full of beautiful trees and is all lush and green. I got a lot of my DIY ideas from Pinterest (woo woo!) and each guest is going to make and bring a dish or something to barbecue. I'm working on our playlist and we'll be playing board games and drinking the night away. It's going to be absolutely splendid.

I ordered the Wedding Smash Folio by K&Company, and it should be here in a couple days. I bought it from and it was shipped from St. Jacob's, Ontario, which is only a 2 1/2 hour drive from here. I'm really glad I was able to order it from such a nearby location, since it's officially crunch time now and the Michaels around here don't carry this particular folio! I'll be using it as a guest book and as a history of mine and Trevor's relationship. I'll review/show off the folio as soon as it arrives, too. Besides, I have some new pages in my orange smash folio to show off! :)

Time to get some shuteye before I have to get up for my monthly checkup at the doc's tomorrow. Blessed be, friends!