Keeping my mind and hands busy has always been an important aspect of keeping the most severe symptoms of anxiety and depression at bay. When I first started digi-scrapping, it was the latter half of 2009 and I was stuck in Virginia, 800 miles away from my husband and everything I had so quickly come to love in Canada. My father was very ill all the way up until we lost him that December. I'm pretty sure that digi-scrapping and the wonderful girls at DSP and STS were the only things keeping me sane.
Cipralex is still working quite well. I don't think I had realized how great 15mg was at the time because there was just too much environmental stress and depression going on with both Trevor and I not having jobs. My GP increased my dosage to 20mg last month, but for five days straight I was experiencing such severe mood swings and suicidal thoughts that I dropped back to 15. And then I was fine.
I saw my GP on Monday and told him about it, and he said I definitely did the right thing. He said I really should have dropped to 10mg, my original dosage, but he was glad that I was feeling a lot better and that the environmental stressors had all but disappeared since Trevor acquired a full-time job.
I'm still doing things that I had found utterly impossible to do at this time last year, a month before I was put on Cipralex. Last summer I was still nervous, awkward, and kept to myself at get-togethers. I couldn't pick up the phone. I could hardly look anyone in the eye. The thought of going anywhere alone or taking public transit alone freaked me out so bad that I would launch myself right into a panic attack. I remember Kent once remarking at how surprised he was at how social and comfortable I became at gatherings when I had a drink or two in me.
This year? Well. I don't need alcohol to be comfortable and social. I jump on the bus whenever I feel like it. I'll even be taking the subway alone to the Eaton Centre or to the new Michael's that's opened up by the North York Centre. I can go up to a counter and order a double double with complete ease. I go on my own to my doctor appointments, another trigger for severe anxiety for me, and not feel a smidgen of fear.
I'm feeling... well... somewhat normal.
Of course, it's not the medication by itself. I feel that one has to mentally and emotionally work WITH the meds to make them work to their optimum, and boy have I been working hard this past year. To feel that I can now go just about anywhere on public transit or on foot and not panic about it is a very liberating thing. I think I'm finally breaking away from my codependency issues with my husband.